Thank You From Lucia, 5.22.06
Thanks for including me in your emailings Noreen! They are inspiring and encouraging!. I am just getting over a staph infection I had been battling with for the past 2 weeks. Being on immunosuppressants because of the liver transplant has lowered my immune system which makes it hard to fight off infection.
Ive put these different teachings Ive read about lately on the shelf and with the Lord and am trusting Him to lead me in the right direction. Although I have to tell you I am disillusioned with the institutional church as we know it. I have always been more of a behind the scenes type of person, prone to serve and a giver. I am in a position now with my health where I dont have alot to give. I am part of a small congregation, maybe 50-80 regulars.
Have been going about a year. Regulary enough that I know everyone by name and they know me. I have also been part of the leadership program. Lately I have not been in church because of my health and my disillusionement with the whole church system. I am tired of them talking about money all the time. The system appears to be much like the world. One person in charge, in control and the rest following. I believe there is a spirit of control.
Im sorry for complaining. Complaining changes nothing. I just want to drop out of this christian life as Ive known it. There has to be something more,. I dont see any power, it doesnt seem real. People still have masks on and arent really changed and deep down dont really seem to care. Ive forced this doctrine down my childrens throats because I had bet my life on it and believed that it was the truth. I feel like its all unraveling and I have no one to tt.
I hadnt heard anything about my older son that is in CA. Not the one in prison. My oldest in Ca is 32, married and has 3 children.. His wife threw him out Fri. nite and doesnt know hwere he is for sure. He too is addicted to meth. Theres so much going on right now ,pressure with finances becuase of my health, more then I can handle. I have a consultation with 2 Drs tomarrow about what options I might have regarding the hep C.
I am holding onto God. I know He is real, I believe in prayer. I think that can change situations although Im not sure I know any real prayer warriors personally. I know alot of people who play church, including myself at times. I think Im pretty much settled in the fact that I no longer wish to participate in or committ to a church. I will go to church as long as there is a reason to go. I am looking to Him to direct me, teach me and lead me to people who truely want to be intimately acquainted with God. I think were all running out of time.
I know Im depressed, I cant shake the heaviness, cant seem to pray for very long but Noreen, what you told me in one of your last emails is" He is with me even when I cant feel Him" and I choose to believe that. Also thank you Tina for the medical website. It looks interesting and I will use it!
Please continue to pray, I will keep you posted and thank you again to all who pray!