Sent : Thursday, September 29, 2005 7:02 AM
To : [email protected]
Subject : HELP ME!
My name is Simon. I live in Australia in the outback. I need help or I
21 years ago I was born again. I mean REALLY born again. I cannot doubt or
dispute what occured that day...the 28th of september 1984. I met Jesus
litterally. I spoke with Him and he with me. I saw heaven too. I was told
many things...some of which was hidden from my memory until the time for the
revelation to be revealed.
But since that time I backslid back and forth
many times. I delved into sin on a regular basis...but all along I hated my
sin and still do. I know that we are saved by grace and all that....but
latley I have sinned so deeply that I fear I have gone too far and trodden
the Blood of Jesus one to many times. I sin because I am in despair of ever
knowing that love again. I just cannot seem to connect.
My whole life has
been one big failure in all aspects. I was married for ten years but that
failed too because of my sin and lack of self control. Since my divorce I
returned to the Lord in a big way...only to fall even further. My heart is
so hard now....my sins accuse me...and I grow desperate to feel life within
again. I know what my calling is and I KNOW what lies just around the corner
for the world. I fear I have left it too late to catch back up. I feel so
lost and I know if I died I would deserve hell because I KNEW the truth and
yet did nothing.
I am lazy...undiciplined...and still reeling from the
divorce. My mother also committed suicide at that time after serving the
Lord in a frontline ministry for over 20 years. I am lost...or I feel lost.
I am so confused now. I only want to be with the Lord once more. I have
travelled so far and seen things which many pastors never see....and yet I
still feel so useless. I do not pray as I should...I am all out of strength.
I am worn down in every way...I need a miracle or at least some hope. I
sin....deliberately...and yet HATE it as it brings only more despair.
Can it be that I have sinned so much with full knowledge of God that I have
perhaps gone too far?? Or if not...how do I re connect once again? I have NO
willpower or strength. I am always on the verge of suicide and I miss my
daughters so much. I am one big ball of grief anger and pain and it never
seems to end. I have no church to go to where I live...no support....just me
and God....and I have no strngth left to fight anymore. My mother saw hell
and ran to jesus. I saw heaven and did the same. Perhaps a glimpse of hell
would wake me up. I just dont know what to do. I have done all the church
teaches...but for the most part it brings only condemnation. They teach LIES
and heresy...so who do I turn too?
My heart is hardened...I sin so easily now. I smoke drugs...I swear a lot. I
am full of anger at my ex wife for what she did and still does. I know I
MUST forgive and I try soooo hard...but the anger remains. HOW DO I GET
FREEEEE????????? Ive tried everything...but because I am so lazy it is never
How do I change my character? how do I change this worthless lazy man into
what God called me to be so many years ago??? How do I end the pain???? WHEN
WILL I KNOW LOVE????? I hurt so much...all the time....constantly. I long so
much to be re united with Jesus. I KNOW He loves me....but I cannot seem to
break through this wall of sin sick grief infesated anger controlled
FLESH!!!! HOW....WHEN.....will I ever know peace and be the man God called
me to be??? I know there will be many in hell who were born again but lost
the plot and never kept on the path.
I know there will be many just like me
there who had a calling and yet blew it again and again and ignored the
warnings. How can I escape this trap I have put myself in??? I just cannot
seem to repent...like its far to late for me to do so. I have sought
repentance with TEARS...and yet it never comes. I have raged and screamed
and cried out to God for so long. But always...ALWAYS...I return to my sin.
I just cannot seem to escape this cycle of doom.
PLEASE.....PRAY FOR ME.....give me hope....ask the lord for strenght and
renewal of fighting spirit...and healing for my shattered sin sick heart. I
am dying...without the Lord and His love I will soon be dead and in hell
I am SUCH a lazy sinner. I know the truith but lack the will. I know my
destiny...but lack the strength. Is there forgivness and restoration for a
sinner and backslider like me? I have sinned so many times in FULL KNOWLEDGE
AND IN FULL SIGHT OF GOD MOST HIGH...He must be so angry with me. I am
intelligent...I have met the Lord. I have had many secrets revealed to me
over the years...but what do I do with all this revelation knowledge??? I
KEEP SINNING DELIBERATLEY.....in despair and pain I sin.
I HATE MY
SIN....but just keep at it. It brings a brief moment of relief...but soon
turns to utter desppair once more...so I sin again...and keep the cycle
going. I know how I ought to be but have no will left to fight. I am heading
down and I KNOW it. HELP MEEEEE. Its all or nothing. my heart is almost
dead. My sins mount ever before me and god...my account grows every
day....and soon I will have to explain face to face why I did what I did
even though I knew better. MY GOD HELP ME!!
WHY am I like this??? how did that innocent little boy who was always picked
on and beaten at school...who used to preach at school despite the
beatings....end up a broken sinful backslidden waste of time such as
myself??? where oh WHERE did I turn the wrong corner? Help me please GOD
Beloved Brother Simon
I am trying to reach two powerful Holy Men that I call friend who live in
Austraila. They will also contact you when I reach them. Please hurry and
send your phone number so I can give it to them.
I also am posting your urgent prayer need on the Ministry Site at email
blessings www.amightywind.com it will also be on
and in Urgent PRAYER REQUESTS. HELP IS ON THE WAY. I have asked for Prayer
warriors to cover you in prayer and fasting. You have fought all your life
why give up now when you are on the brink of a miracle. YAHUSHUA LOVES YOU!
YOU JUST NEED DELIVERANCE LIKE THE PRODIGAL SON.
Unfortunatly I am leaving on a Spiritual retreat over 3,000 miles away and I
won't have Internet connnection for awhile. At least until I get a motel in
the nearest City. Please don't give up now, its bad enough your mother lost
her battle with the devil, please don't allow the same thing to happen to
Please tell me what City in Austraila do you live in? I know my Brothers in YAHUSHUA will personally come and visit you if they can.